I am the mother of teenage children. They recently moved away from home and this has left me in the midst of a grieving process I was not expecting. On top of that, I have come to see that I have been defining myself and my worth by my relationship with my children. I can see that I felt good about myself because I felt of value, I felt loved and needed. Of late I have felt almost depressed. I feel very alone, and in all honesty, abandoned, as silly as that sounds. I of course want my children to be independent, to go out and enjoy the world and become the great adults that they will be, and at the same time I miss them terribly. While I can see the distortion in my beliefs, and I am doing my best to move on, I am finding it difficult. Can you please offer some guidance on how to maneuver through this a little more gracefully than I am doing right now?
I separated from my partner about a year ago. We were not together long, roughly 8 months, but I can’t get over her. I am not attracted to her, but at the same time I don’t want to be with anyone else. I ask for signs from God and I always, constantly see her name, either in books or on cars or websites, and she doesn’t have a very common name , which makes me think there is meaning behind all the times where I see her name. A few times I used Oracle cards and asked for a sign about her, and I got ‘twin flame’ and ‘trust.’ I have spoken to her and she wants nothing to do with me. When I think how well she is doing and happy she seems, it makes me angry, and I start to curse her and think negative thoughts about her. I quickly catch myself doing this and clear it up, but the energy of my thoughts is already there and projected to her. Some days I feel detached and other days I feel very dependent on her. I guess this could lead to having feelings, sometimes good most times bad, toward my ex-partners, and always thinking about what could be. I want to be free from all old dramas and events to create a life without creating the same lessons. What ways can I feel happy that she has moved on? What can I do to stop obsessing about her? Why are all the signs and cards telling me we are meant to be together if I am feeling two totally opposite feelings towards her and she wants nothing to do with me in a romantic sense?
I have moments where the resistance to certain actions that would be good for my growth are so powerful that I have difficulty moving through them, and in some cases haven’t moved through them at all. I look at the origin of my resistance many times every day, and have tried several tools to heal the resistance, with little result. I have been feeling as though forcing these actions has not been the right thing to do while feeling so much resistance, and wonder if that’s what I should have been doing all along. What are effective methods or tools for moving through strong resistance?